Welcome to Week 3 of my News of the Week series. I said I’m going to write this daily and I have. So here are my news highlights of this week!
So without further ado, let’s begin with Graveyard’s News of the Week!
MAKE-UP FOR MEN
After a trial at John Lewis, Oxford Street men finally have their own make-up – YYAAYY!!! But aren’t they jumping the gun a bit first, I mean shouldn’t they roll out handbags for men first so they have something to stick their make-up in on night outs! Courtesy of Sky News 10/2/20 news.sky.com/story/warpaint-for-men-make-up-rolled-out-across-the-uk-after-successful-trial-11930769
Seriously why is this NOT a thing? How fun would this be! It’s only Monday and this news may not be beaten this week! courtesy of Venture Beat 10/2/20 https://venturebeat.com/2020/02/09/golf-pool-is-an-ideal-fit-on-vr-headsets/
As far-fetched as this may – as in how can the government afford £20 billion on a bridge but still need to make council cuts – it is something that is centuries in the making. Linking Ireland to main land Britain – connecting the two islands – is what the past Kings and Queens wanted. If there was a bridge already in place then perhaps Ireland wouldn’t be split and it would still be part of the UK! However, I can’t see it happening within the next five years because where’s the money? Or is there money available and the Conservatives just want to see the public suffer? We’ll see! courtesy of Sky News 10/2/20 https://news.sky.com/story/work-under-way-on-plans-for-scotland-northern-ireland-bridge-downing-street-11930786
TRUMP: ‘CORONAVIRUS GONE BY APRIL’
Donald Trump is now an expert in biology and medicine! No he’s not; he’s just stating the bloody obvious. Of course the coronavirus will be gone (or become less serious) as we move towards summer. You will expect to see the improvements by mid-March. Still, nice to have such an expert to offer his wisdom to us all (For free too!). Yet, if it is gone by April everyone will be in awe of this twat. You read it here first – He’s just stating the obvious! courtesy of The Independent 11/2/20 https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/trump-coronavirus-china-april-us-deaths-wuhan-outbreak-latest-a9328366.html
MARTIN LEWIS TIPS ON GETTING CHEAPER CAR INSURANCE
What tips? Try different comparison sites, don’t auto renew, choose comprehensive, younger drivers to add additional drivers – well duh! I hate to say this but I did all of this back in October, got my insurance down to £40, but thanks Martin Lewis – you’re a real help! But he hasn’t given you all the tips! But luckily I will! When choosing your estimated mileage just put between 1000-3000 miles [It is estimated annual mileage after all], add a dash cam to your car [Can get cheap ones] exaggerate your job [Choose a the better sounding job and title from the list they provide – It’s not lying, just a more accurate way of describing your job!]. courtesy of Liverpool Echo 11/2/20 https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/martin-lewis-explains-simple-way-17726524
MAN UTD APPLY FOR RAIL STANDING
Is this just allow better access for their fans leaving with 30 mins to go? courtesy of BBC Sport 11/2/20 https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/51457337
ARGENTINA WANTS FALKLANDS TO PLAY AS ISLAS MALVINAS IN BADMINTON TOURNAMENT
So apparently Argentina are forcing the Falkland Islands to play using the name ‘Islas Malvinas’ in the Badminton Pan Am Cup and are apparently going to force Brazil to cancel the entire tournament if they don’t? Are Argentinians mental or is this just childish journalism due to a slow news day? Why would a country behave like a spoilt brat over a badminton tournament? Is this because the tiny UK Islands are better than the ‘motherland’ country and want to take the credit? Argentina need to shut up over the Falklands! They’re British, we fought a war – we won! If Argentina were better at wars instead of moaning then maybe the Falklands would be theirs right now! Argentina this is all you need… courtesty of Sky News 12/2/20 https://news.sky.com/story/argentina-threatens-falklands-badminton-team-to-play-as-malvinas-11932096
ROSE MCGOWAN CALLS NATALIE PORTMAN A FRAUD
Oh Rose McGowan fuck off! Just have woman-only Oscars then! courtesy of Sky News 12/2/20 https://news.sky.com/story/rose-mcgowan-tells-of-disgust-at-fraud-natalie-portmans-oscars-dress-11932483
SAJID JAVID RESIGNS
Who saw this coming! Don’t know what’s more shocking – him quitting or saying ‘no self-respecting minister agree to Johnson’s reshuffle’! I mean since when did Sajid Javid grows some morals? Is he doing this because of his aides or does he have some other reason behind resigning? I would say good riddance but Rishi Sunak looks like he could be another tit! courtresy of Sky News https://news.sky.com/story/whos-in-and-whos-out-in-boris-johnsons-reshuffle-11932951
377 COMPLAINTS FOR LOVE ISLAND
Or to give it it’s proper headline – 377 sad people have absolutely got nothing better to do! They must have had a special episode hence the spike in the viewership figures! courtesy of The Mirror https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/love-island-has-377-ofcom-21494495
MANCHESTER CITY BANNED FROM EUROPE FOR 2 SEASONS
Well everyone’s talking about Liverpool breaking Man City’s records this season, well looks like Manchester City have just broke one of Liverpool’s record! They are the second [individually named] English team to be banned (The other being Liverpool). However, where Liverpool got a one year ban, Man City get a 2 year ban! However, it does mean that if they win the Champions League this season, they can point out that they won’t have actually lost it – during those two years! Still one of the best news stories this week! So sorry for Man City – would have been better if it was Man Utd! courtesy of Sky Sports https://www.skysports.com/football/news/11679/11934152/manchester-city-banned-from-all-uefa-competitions-for-next-two-seasons
PASSENGER AT AMSTERDAM AIRPORT STUCK IN QUEUE
A Brexit voting nobhead has moaned at having to queue up at Amsterdam airport saying it isn’t the brexit he voted for! Okay first off, when the UK actually leaves then that is what will happen – he, along with every other nob who voted to leave, were told this. Secondly, nothing has changed yet, as the UK is still in the EU until next year. And thirdly, the picture shown is of the stupid computer passport scanners! Those things take forever to get through regardless of being in the EU or not! It’s faster to go to the manned desks. Being in the EU doesn’t stop the queues, it just means we have visa-free entry – In other words, we don’t have to arse around getting a visa either before you travel or when you arrive at the airport. Still this is what happens when you listen to a bunch pricks. courtesy of The Independent https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/brexit-eu-airport-queue-immigration-brexiteer-amsterdam-airport-schiphol-a9335281.html
Well that’s it for this time. There’s been quite a few interesting stories this week. Some quite funny. but before I end this weeks edition I just want to mention the new James Bond song. It’s not that bad! Much better than the last few songs (since Quantum of Solace), although it’s not as good as the original 20 films, but it is in the Top 3 for the Daniel Craig era! Hope you enjoyed this weeks, hopefully next week will be better!
Hope you enjoyed it this week – I think it’s better than last week, especially with the picture and video (I will be including more of them in future editions!)
Let me know what you think of this post in the comments below.
See you next week!
Thanks for reading!
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